The Man & The Agreeable Ostrich

I'm always partial to a joke that includes a surrealistic aspect as part of its set-up.

A man with a perfectly toned body walks into a diner with a full-grown, happily, smiling ostrich in a red miniskirt on his arm. They grab a table and the waitress comes over for their orders. The man says:

"A hamburger, fries, and a coke..." and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"Mmmm" says the ostrich, That sounds great!"

Now the waitress is more than a little surprised by the talking ostrich ...and an amiable one at that...but she takes it in her stride. A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That'll be $9.40 please."

The man reaches into his pocket, pulls out some coins and puts them on the table. It's the exactly $9.40 plus a 10% tip, $10.35.

The next day, the man and the ostrich (this time in a lime green miniskirt) come again and the man once more says:

"A hamburger, fries, and a coke, please, miss."

The ostrich smiles, shakes his head and says to the man:

"You've been reading my diary. That's just what I was feeling like."

When the waitress returns with the food, the man once more reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. The next day the two enter again. this time the ostrich is in a purple miniskirt.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, thank you, miss. It's Friday night, so I'm having a steak, with baked potato, and er...a salad..." says the man.

"How do you do that? I've been craving a steak all day. Make that two. " says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says:

"That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change, this time in bills and coins out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir, I've just gotta ask you this. How come you always manage to come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "...several years ago my grandfather died and my folks decided to sell his house. It was my job to clean out his attic...and, well, I found an old Arabian lamp. For a joke I rubbed it...and POOF, much to my surprise, a Genie appeared...and offered me three wishes.

With my grandfather just dying, the first wish I asked for was good health...and that's why I look so good."

The waitress had to acknowledge, he looked great!

My next wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress... "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a soda, a cheeseburger or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers:

"That was my third wish. You see, I wanted a tall chick in a mini-skirt with long legs, who agrees with everything I say...and will never leave me!"

Xango

1,000 years of Folk Medicine...
...in a bottle

Andrew Goulding

Gwynneville

Australia