Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Italian Man Who Went To Malta
OK, the jokes are corny but I really like The Italian Man Who Went To Malta. Methinks it may be based on a true story, though!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Greek & The Irishman
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day, discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy said:
"...Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon..."
Arching his eyebrows. The Irishman replied:
"...Well, it was the Irish who discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices..."
The Greek retorted with:
"...We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics..."
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, said:
"Ah, but the Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars...."
And so on and so on, until the Greek finally came up with that he thought would end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he triumphantly said:
"...It was the Ancient Greeks who invented sex!..."
Smiling smugly, the Irishman quickly replied:
"...Indeed, that is true but it was we Irish who introduced it to women..."
"...Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon..."
Arching his eyebrows. The Irishman replied:
"...Well, it was the Irish who discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices..."
The Greek retorted with:
"...We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics..."
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, said:
"Ah, but the Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars...."
And so on and so on, until the Greek finally came up with that he thought would end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he triumphantly said:
"...It was the Ancient Greeks who invented sex!..."
Smiling smugly, the Irishman quickly replied:
"...Indeed, that is true but it was we Irish who introduced it to women..."
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
You Sexy Thing
I'll admit, there are days when a romantic mouse serenading a very cute piece of cheese seems to be the right thing to ponder and trust me, today is one of those days.
Life always seems to pose more questions than answers:
- Which part of your psyche is the mouse
- Which part of your psyche is the cheese?
- Can you sing "...Where did you come from bay-bay?..." in the karaoke bar after seeing this video and keep a straight face?
Hot Chocolate (featuring Hunky Mouse): You Sexy Thing
Andrew Goulding
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Monday, October 27, 2008
Star Wars: Yoda As A Pizza
Some inventive Star Wars fan created this Yoda pizza. I don't quite know if it's the case but my guess is that he would have to serve it saying:
"May the sauce be with you."
"May the sauce be with you."
Star Wars: Yoda As A PizzaSunday, October 26, 2008
The Payment For Flowers
Whoops! This one's a bit rude!
Two women are sitting drinking coffee in a house. One of them spies her husband coming up the garden path with a huge bunch of flowers in his hand. She groans:
"Oh Christ, that means I've gotta spend all evening lying on my back with my legs wide open."
The other woman looks out of the window, then back to her friend and says:
"Why don't you just use a vase?"
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Brazilian Soccer Fan Ass-tounded!
Following yesterday's German Goalie post here's one fan's reaction to the Brazilian team.
Brazilian Soccer Fan Ass-tounded!
I kinda know how he feels!
Friday, October 24, 2008
German Beach Soccer Goalie
My guess is that this is perhaps not the first time that this lovely German beach soccer goalie has had one ball in her hands while another swung towards her dangerously.
German Beach Soccer GoalieMay I say that even though I'm not German, I stood up when I saw her flag! Ahem.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Hitler Tea Pot
Hmmm, whenever I have a cup of tea these days, I seem to be getting strange thoughts about world domination pop into my head.
I wonder why?
Hitler Tea PotBy the way, my Clustermap (see: to your right and down a little) shows that yesterday was the first day that this little blog had more than 100 visitors. Woo-hoo! Thanks for telling your friends and keep 'em coming!
Don't forget to check out my other blogs via Twitter, especially my video blog, which has lots of fun stuff, too.
Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Confucius say: # 3
It appears that the wise sayings of the Chinese sage, Confucius, were most appreciated yesterday, so we have sent our scribes to pore over his many sayings and translated some more of them into contemporary vernacular for your pondering and hopeful illumination...
Confucius
Confucius say: Man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Confucius say: Anger is dangerous flaw in character of Man but better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius say: Man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
Confucius say: Anger is dangerous flaw in character of Man but better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius say: Man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Confucius say: # 2
The sayings of the great Chinese sage, Confucius (551 B.C. - 479 B.C.):
Confucius
Confucius say: Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius say: Beautiful woman who go camping with horny young man must beware of evil intent.
Confucius say: It take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Manbabies: Kids As Men And Men As Kids
You gotta admit, Manbabies is pretty weird!
The site swaps dad's face with their kids and perhaps makes one question exactly who's looking after who. Personally, I find it creepy, mostly in a good way but there's a part of me that is a little disturbed.
The site swaps dad's face with their kids and perhaps makes one question exactly who's looking after who. Personally, I find it creepy, mostly in a good way but there's a part of me that is a little disturbed.
Manbabies
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Old Guys Getting It On
Two senior citizens decide that since they're close to their final days, they should have one last tom-cattin' night on the town like they used to back in the 50s.
After more than a few drinks, they stagger into the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager:
"...They're off their faces. Go and put an inflated doll in rooms 26 & 27....These two are so old and drunk, they won't even know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs to take care of their business and show those hussies a damn good time.
Ten minutes later, they meet outside. The first old guy says:
"...They're off their faces. Go and put an inflated doll in rooms 26 & 27....These two are so old and drunk, they won't even know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs to take care of their business and show those hussies a damn good time.
Ten minutes later, they meet outside. The first old guy says:
"You know, I think my girl was dead!
"Dead?"
says his friend,
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was makin' sweet love to her."
His friend says:
"You think that's bad? I think mine was a witch who hates men!
When I was kissing her on the neck, I got a bit carried away and gave her just a little bite. Jesus Harold Christ, the bitch farted and flew straight out the window!"
When I was kissing her on the neck, I got a bit carried away and gave her just a little bite. Jesus Harold Christ, the bitch farted and flew straight out the window!"
Friday, October 17, 2008
Beauty Queen: Isn't She Lovely?
That's my beauty queen! Isn't she lovely?
I see no reason to not use this picture to bring back a funky little love song to a newborn by Stevie Wonder from 1976.
Isn't She Lovely?
I see no reason to not use this picture to bring back a funky little love song to a newborn by Stevie Wonder from 1976.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
McDonald's: Obesity Report
This chappie seems to be carrying a little more than a quarter pounder, that's for sure!
McDonald's: Obesity Report(Click to make larger)
My advice: Junk food is destroying our will to live. Stamp it out, now! Fat is no laughing matter.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hitler The Rapper
I'll be open to this post being appalling bad taste but there is a point to be made, which is that what would Hitler be like if he was alive today?
Hitler As A RapperMy guess is that he'd be using the mass media and starting his cause with a song much like this one, the Hitler Rap.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Kid Sex Change?
As a parent, you'd have to think twice about dropping your kid off at this child care center. You might be picking up a very different child after work!
Always Spend Time Choosing the Right Font
I wonder if Megaflicks were in a hurry to create their hoarding because it's shamefully obvious,
Lesson In Capitalism # 1:
Always Spend Time Choosing the Right Font For Your Advertising
Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Always Spend Time Choosing the Right Font For Your Advertising
Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Chinese Honeymoon Discussions
There were two dutiful Chinese kids who were in their mid-thirties when they finally married. Both of them had worked all their lives in the restaurant businesses of their respective families, and in fact that's how they met. They were both college graduates... and both were virgins.
On their wedding night, they got into bed and he said to her:
"What would you like to start with?"
She said:
"How about 69? That's supposed to be really good!"
He screwed up his face and said:
"Mu-shu chicken is GOOD? No, is bad!"
On their wedding night, they got into bed and he said to her:
"What would you like to start with?"
She said:
"How about 69? That's supposed to be really good!"
He screwed up his face and said:
"Mu-shu chicken is GOOD? No, is bad!"
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Pink Pooch
For the lady or gent who needs a pink accessory, here's the very latest thing, the pink pooch
Pink Pooch
Friday, October 10, 2008
All They Need Is A Good Screw!
So forlorn. So lonely...but all they really need is a good screw!
All They Need Is A Good Screw!
Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Happy ending: After some sweet-talk, he nailed her!
Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Sperm Donations
A man was in a hospital elevator and a woman walked in to join him. The woman was very pleased with herself and said:
"I'm giving blood. I get $100 per pint and I'm allowed to give two pints thats $100! Blood is on floor three."
The man pushed the three button and then replied happily:
"Well, I'm donating sperm. I can get out two teaspoons full and get a hundred dollars for every teaspoon. And I am on floor four."
He said while pushing the four button. They reached floor three and the woman got off looking dismayed, and the man got off on floor four. A few days later the two were coincidentally in the same elavator again. The man asked:
"Floor three again?"
The woman who's mouth was full, shook her head and held up four fingers.
"Floor three again?"
The woman who's mouth was full, shook her head and held up four fingers.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Confucius say: #1
Confucius say: Man with two girls on mind get headache.
Confucius say: #1Andrew Goulding
Follow my various blogs easily via Twitter
Great Keira Knightley send-up
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Dick Fruit
I'm not quite sure where this fruit is from but it's certainly a conversation starter. I suppose it probably makes a good companion plant to a passion fruit vine.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Women Should Drink More Milk
It's now an accepted part of modern science that women should drink more milk to avoid Osteoporosis but this young lady is taking it a bit too far!
Hey, haven't you heard of a milkshake?
Saturday, October 4, 2008
There's A Nip In The Air
Looks like it's certainly getting discernibly colder even though the sun is still shining.
Friday, October 3, 2008
The Customer Is Always Right
Well, there's no doubt that Service ain't what it used to be and in this case, the customer didn't hold anything back when voicing his dissatisfaction.
The Customer Is Always Right
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Bakers' Clerk & The Raisin Loaf
A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
'I'd like some raisin bread please.'
the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view of her tight nubile ass, just as he surmised he would.
Once she descends the ladder he says:
"Actually, could you make that two, I'm having company for dinner. "
So, as the clerk ascends the ladder once more, one of the other male customers notices what's going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread, so he can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips she is tired, irritated and says to herself:
"If it's that damn good I'll get a loaf, myself!"
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men, now all standing below. She notices an elderly man amongst the crowd, staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,
'Is it a raisin for you, too?'
'No...'
stammers the old man
'...but it's a quiverin'!"
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