And now, the news that American ski resorts have been hiding for years - that rednecks often go up north on skier huntin' trips to bag themselves some yuppie trophies.
Skier Huntin' Season
Yee-haa!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Skier Huntin' Season
And now, the news that American ski resorts have been hiding for years - that rednecks often go up north on skier huntin' trips to bag themselves some yuppie trophies.
Yee-haa!!!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Viagra & Hunger
Tina asks her husband:
"Brett, would you like some eggs and bacon, maybe some orange juice or coffee?"
Brett doesn't seem particularly interested:
"Thanks for asking, babe, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra - it's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asks Brett:
"Honey, would you like anything for lunch - a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, a cheese sandwich, maybe?"
He declines.
"Sorry, baby, it's the Viagra - it really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she's getting concerned. She asks him:
"Sweetheart, how can I tempt you?
Would you like some succulent salmon and scrumptious apple pie?
Cheese and crackers?
Or maybe order in some Chinese?"
Would you like some succulent salmon and scrumptious apple pie?
Cheese and crackers?
Or maybe order in some Chinese?"
Brett declines again.
"No thanks, darling, it's the Viagra, Food is the last thing that's on my mind."
Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up for a few minutes? I'm starving."
Friday, April 24, 2009
Fat Belly
While this snap may not appear particularly funny, study it and you may work out why I think it is.
Fat BellyI like the subtitles. Does she think we're blind?
Frankly, a 180 degree flip for "Fat Ass" would have been even funnier!
Frankly, a 180 degree flip for "Fat Ass" would have been even funnier!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Doctor Knows Best
I'm not sure if this is a joke or not but the situation is almost believable!
A beautiful girl makes an appointment to have a physical . When she gets to the office she asks to see the doctor and asks him to do a pregnancy test as well. He asks her if she's had unprotected sex and she admits that she has.
When the exam and pregnancy teat are done she gets dressed and sits in his office to get the results. The doctor comes in and says:
You are in perfect health - not STDs and you are not pregnant.
The girl jumps up and hugs him, then says:
"I have a stupid question to ask you, Doctor. Can you get pregnant from anal sex?"
Still holding her, the doctor looks her in the eye and says:
"That's not a stupid question at all. Do you like anal sex?"
She blushes and nods saying:
"I love it."
He says:
"Well, unfortunately you can get pregnant from anal sex as well as catch all sorts of diseases, unless the man really knows what he's doing..."
She says:
"But who will know just what to do?"
The doctor smiles, slides his hand down to her ass and says:
"A doctor would."
When the exam and pregnancy teat are done she gets dressed and sits in his office to get the results. The doctor comes in and says:
You are in perfect health - not STDs and you are not pregnant.
The girl jumps up and hugs him, then says:
"I have a stupid question to ask you, Doctor. Can you get pregnant from anal sex?"
Still holding her, the doctor looks her in the eye and says:
"That's not a stupid question at all. Do you like anal sex?"
She blushes and nods saying:
"I love it."
He says:
"Well, unfortunately you can get pregnant from anal sex as well as catch all sorts of diseases, unless the man really knows what he's doing..."
She says:
"But who will know just what to do?"
The doctor smiles, slides his hand down to her ass and says:
"A doctor would."
Monday, April 20, 2009
Feeling Dirty?
Feeling dirty?
Well, you'd better have a cold shower, then.
My Bath-time FriendsWho're they?
Just my bath-time friends - beats playing with a rubber duck!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Scene From A French Art Movie
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in, freshly showered, looking at her svelte figure, sensual but homely in her bath-robe, topped off by her pink Bugs Bunny slippers. They had not made love for months - he wanted her. Suddenly she turned from the stove to look him in the eye and said:
"You 'ave got to make l-o-v-e to me at zis very moment! You 'ave to!"
His eyes lit up and he thought:
"Sank you Lord, zis ees my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then ripping open her bathrobe, ravaged her, giving her every inch of his love - right there, on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said:
"Sank you, you bastard."
and returned to the stove. Moments later, they were eating breakfast as if nothing had happened, back in their suburban, non-communicative hell.
The day passed moodily as days tend to in French arty movies and when they were going to sleep that evening, having spent the day more than a little puzzled at their sudden, passionate love-making session, he asked her:
"Zis morning. What was zat all about?"
She sighed:
"Yes, zis morning, zat was a long time ago. Ze 2-minute egg timer - eet was broken."
"You 'ave got to make l-o-v-e to me at zis very moment! You 'ave to!"
His eyes lit up and he thought:
"Sank you Lord, zis ees my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then ripping open her bathrobe, ravaged her, giving her every inch of his love - right there, on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said:
"Sank you, you bastard."
and returned to the stove. Moments later, they were eating breakfast as if nothing had happened, back in their suburban, non-communicative hell.
The day passed moodily as days tend to in French arty movies and when they were going to sleep that evening, having spent the day more than a little puzzled at their sudden, passionate love-making session, he asked her:
"Zis morning. What was zat all about?"
She sighed:
"Yes, zis morning, zat was a long time ago. Ze 2-minute egg timer - eet was broken."
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ice Creams In Japan
Oh boy, them Crazy Japs have a marketing winner on/in their hands with this one. Mind you, the little girl seems a bit quizzical about Mommy's appetite.
Japanese Ice CreamI hope Mommy eats it all up, it's good for her. Maybe she'll end up having the second one, as well.
Hey, I just guessed her husband's name, it's Dick.
Hey, I just guessed her husband's name, it's Dick.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
There are two variations of this joke that I've seen and there may well be more. In the other one that I've seen, I guy goes into a chemist to buy some KY jelly.
Anyway, this is the other version:
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says:
"About 2 hours."
The guy leaves, grinning. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says:
"About 3 hours."
The guy leaves with a yelp of excitement. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says:
"About an hour and a half."
The guy runs off, cheering. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says:
"He's a nut. Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks:
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says:
"Your house."
Anyway, this is the other version:
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says:
"About 2 hours."
The guy leaves, grinning. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says:
"About 3 hours."
The guy leaves with a yelp of excitement. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says:
"About an hour and a half."
The guy runs off, cheering. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says:
"He's a nut. Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks:
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says:
"Your house."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Playboy For Blind People
Even blind guys (and blind lesbians) need to have some fun.
Playboy For Blind Guys
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wii: The Future (Belgian Style)
Warning: Risque Content
The whole Wii phenomenon has bypassed my househod but I'm aware of what it is, at least and even through the Belgian (Flemish?) voice-over, I think you'll get an idea of where this comedy team thinks the Wii is heading.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The German, The Japanese & The Hillbilly Women
Three women, one German, one Japanese and a Hillbilly were having a chat in the kitchen. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly.
"Zatt was my pager," she said, "I am having a microchip under ze skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her hand to her ear. When she finished, she explained:
"Ahhhh, thatttt was my mobile telephone. I have it controlled by the computer in my ring.
The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the kitchen and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging out of her butt crack.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her until the hillbilly woman finally said:
"Zatt was my pager," she said, "I am having a microchip under ze skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her hand to her ear. When she finished, she explained:
"Ahhhh, thatttt was my mobile telephone. I have it controlled by the computer in my ring.
The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the kitchen and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging out of her butt crack.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her until the hillbilly woman finally said:
"Well, will you look at that, my multi-million dollar book deal must be comin' through. I'm getting me a fax!"
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
When You Need A Goat
I don't know about you but every once in a while I get a hankering for some goat and I just have to have some. However, it really pisses me off when you pay the money and you can't get the damn thing out!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Spectre Of Tiger Woods
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband:
"I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin."
The husband replies:
"That’s not a big deal in this day and age."
The wife continues:
"Yeah, I’ve been with one guy, Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?"
asks the wife. The husband says:
"I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn’t do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He’d come back to bed and make love a second time. He could never get enough."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to do the business a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone:
"Now what are you doing?"
she asks. The husband says:
"I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn’t do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
"He’d come back to bed and ravish me again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and pummels her until he's almost raw. When they finish he’s exhausted and he drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife worriedly asks (because she still wants more):
"Why do you want to call room service, we're having so much fun on our own?"
The husband says:
"I’m not! I'm calling f***ing Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for this damn hole."
"I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin."
The husband replies:
"That’s not a big deal in this day and age."
The wife continues:
"Yeah, I’ve been with one guy, Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?"
asks the wife. The husband says:
"I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn’t do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He’d come back to bed and make love a second time. He could never get enough."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to do the business a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone:
"Now what are you doing?"
she asks. The husband says:
"I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn’t do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
"He’d come back to bed and ravish me again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and pummels her until he's almost raw. When they finish he’s exhausted and he drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife worriedly asks (because she still wants more):
"Why do you want to call room service, we're having so much fun on our own?"
The husband says:
"I’m not! I'm calling f***ing Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for this damn hole."
Friday, April 3, 2009
Are You Turned On By Viagra?
The question that I have to ask of my male readers is:
Are you really turned on when you take Viagra?
Are you really turned on when you take Viagra?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Making Love With The Lights Out
A couple had been married for 20 years and every time they had ever made love, the husband had always, strangely, insisted on putting the light off.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and much larger than a real one, which just hung there, staring at her like a one-eyed bat.
She went completely ballistic:
"You impotent bastard!!!!"
...she screamed at him
"How could you have lied to me for all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and much larger than a real one, which just hung there, staring at her like a one-eyed bat.
She went completely ballistic:
"You impotent bastard!!!!"
...she screamed at him
"How could you have lied to me for all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Funny Bra Ad
I always judge advertising by whether it has grabbed my attention and in the case of this ad, designed for British Bust stops, it has.
Wonder Bra ad
I can't quite work out why, though. Oh dammit! It's on the tip of my tongue!
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